A few weeks before my estimated due date I began having prodromal labor. Almost everyday from 38 weeks until I gave birth, I would have a few hours of consistent contractions. Labor takes a lot of mental endurance, I like to say that you have to keep your head in the “game” if you want an unmedicated birth. The famous midwife, Ina May Gaskin, has talked about the power of a laboring woman’s mental capacity to make labor progress and even to slow labor down. This mental acceptance of birth is crucial for me. While having prodromal labor, I would panic and tell myself that I couldn't have the baby yet, my “to do” list never seemed to be done. Michael had a Phd seminar and the work that goes along with seminars, our apartment was a complete mess, I worried that Gideon wouldn’t do well away from us, and so many other worries that were unnecessary.
The evening of May 19th I was feeling emotional and overwhelmed with the physical pain and exhaustion that comes with the end of pregnancy. I took a shower after dinner in an attempt to relax myself. Instead of becoming relaxed, I began to cry in pain from a stretch mark that felt like my skin was ripping. My precious 23 month old, Gideon, came bouncing in the bathroom like he always does and said, “Hey mama, you okay?” The sweetness of his voice made me smile. Michael joined our conversation, and I declared verbally and mentally to myself that I was ready to give birth again, and it was time for Maddox to be born. After my shower I began having contractions every 15 minutes, but I thought that I was experiencing more prodromal labor.
The late night of May 19th was very stormy. I’m sure that our dog, Charlie, thinks that we are all going to die if there is a bad storm outside. At one point Charlie busted out of his kennel and went into Gideon’s room to confirm that the storm had not injured his buddy. This protective dog persona is well intended, but Charlie entered into Gideon’s room with a noise that should have made the thunder jealous. I literally thanked the Lord that Charlie did not wake Gideon.
Around 4am I was woken up by decent contractions. I attempted to sleep through them, but lying down didn’t feel good. I woke Michael up because I needed his embrace to help me accept the contractions. Michael told me that I was safe and I needed to welcome each contraction. Michael, being married to Bradley birth instructor me, knew to speak loving words (I’m a words person) to raise my oxytocin (oxytocin is what brings on contractions and adrenaline shuts them off). Around 6am my contractions began to come a little closer together, so we called the midwife to let her know that we were probably going to have a baby sometime that day. After speaking with the midwife I called our doula, we had been texting since 4am, that she might want to make the drive to our place before traffic got bad.
At 7am our doula, Chelsea Miller, arrived to our apartment. We all relaxed and waited for Gideon to wake up, he slept in much later than usual. My contractions began to slow down and were back to 15 minutes apart when Gideon woke up at 8am. I enjoyed some quality time with Gideon before Michael took him to spend the day with our good friends. After Gideon left, I ate breakfast and began packing my bag.
Around 10am I felt like I needed to go for a walk. We walked, paused for contractions, and walked some more. I was getting concerned that my contractions weren’t picking back up and began paying close attention to the labor tracker on my phone. Michael eventually wouldn't let me see the graph that showed the consistency and duration of contractions. Michael took my phone away and said, “No one is waiting on you to have our baby. Maddox is going to come when he’s ready and all you have to do is embrace each contraction, allow your cervix to open.” A few minutes after Michael talked to me, I had an extremely intense contraction and literally felt Maddox’s head come down. The contractions began to pick up in time apart, duration, and intensity.
We made our way back home and had lunch. I would take a few bites, have an intense contraction, and then take a few more bites. I like repeating things to ground myself during contractions. For Gideon’s birth I sang Jesus Loves Me in my head. For Maddox’s birth I audibly counted 1,2… 1,2. This rhythm of counting is something that Gideon does, and I found repeating the numbers like Gideon to be comforting. When I finished eating, we began to collect our things, but my contractions started to REALLY pick up. I used the restroom and transitioned on the potty. I began shaking (which is normal) and felt a panic that we might not make it to the birthing center. I heard our doula calmly ask Michael, “Is she having contractions right on top of each other?” Michael was trying to match the calmness when he answered, “yes.” I looked up and caught a look that Michael and our doula shared. The look was a non-verbal conversation that said, “We have to get her in the car now!” I chimed in and said, “We have to go to the hospital now.” We got in Chelsea’s van (long, unnecessary story on why we didn’t take our car) and made our way.
Chelsea dropped Michael and me off and then parked her van. I didn’t think that I could walk up to the birthing center, so we took a wheel chair. I put my Lisca baby woven wrap over my face and my fingers in my ears. I needed to feel safe and not watched as we made our way to the 4th floor. Hiding my face and closing my ears helped me tremendously. In the midwives’ office, I allowed for my cervix to be checked; I was 6ish centimeters dilated. We walked a few doors down into my birthing room.
As soon as we walked into the room I felt pressure on my bottom and began throwing up. My midwife encouraged me with the reminder that throwing up helps to bring the baby down. My midwife then told me to do my least favorite thing in labor, sit on the potty and have 6 contractions. I sat on the potty and worked through those intense contractions. It was very hard to relax through those potty contractions (we are trained to let loose on the potty, so its a great place for women to labor), but Michael helped me to embrace each wave. I did five contractions on the potty, and decided that I wanted the relief of being in a tub of water.
I got in the water and felt instant relief. I was in the water for ten minutes and felt the urge to push. Michael thought that I was tensing during a contraction, so he was trying to relax me. I manage to declare to the room that I was pushing. I couldn’t get comfortable in the tub without Michael physically supporting me. We had planned on Michael catching Maddox, I had caught Gideon, but I needed him in the tub with me for support.
I tried to push to the point of comfort so that I wouldn’t tear, but I couldn’t hold back. As Maddox was crowning my water broke. I was elated that my water had stayed intact during my entire labor. There was a little meconium in the amniotic fluid, but Maddox had not inhaled any. I pushed as hard as I could with each wave and Maddox surprised everyone in the room with how fast he came out. The midwife said, “Oh! Here’s your baby!” and caught Maddox in the water then handed him to me. There is nothing in this world like holding your baby for the first time. We sat and enjoyed Maddox while we allowed for his umbilical cord to stop pulsing. Michael told me that he loved me and that I did a great job. The midwife, doula, and nurse also said that I did a great job at relaxing through contractions and pushing. The midwife looked at the nurse and said, “That was a great birth.” After the hard work of birth, hearing those words from my birthing team was sweetness to my heart.
Michael cut the cord and we had the nurse check Maddox while I made my way to the bed to be checked out myself. I had torn, which I was frustrated with because getting stitched up is a bummer when you are overjoyed about your baby being born. The nurse became concerned that she was feeling some clots in my uterus. The nurse then proceeded to “massage” (more accurately, pushed down as hard as she could over and over) to try to get the clots out. The nurse looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry, but I need to get these clots out of you.” My doula, who was a labor and delivery nurse, looked at me and said, “better external than internal.” That statement was all I needed to switch my laboring mind back on and let the nurse “massage” my belly.
When everyone was satisfied that I wasn't hemorrhaging, Michael brought Maddox to me to nurse. Being a second time mom after nursing my firstborn for 19 months, made nursing Maddox a breeze. I had to remember how to get a newborn to latch, but I was thankful that nursing Maddox wasn't the same painful experience that I had when I was a first time mom. Maddox locked eyes with me and we had that priceless, indescribable moment between mother and child. (Days later, nursing became painful. We learned that Maddox had a lip tie and had it revised.)
We spent the rest of the evening just Maddox, Michael, and me. Not having visitors was a great decision for us. We were able to recharge, relax, and enjoy our blonde/ginger baby. The next morning Michael went to get Gideon. While in my room I heard Gideon’s voice say, “I find mom!” Then Michael and Gideon came into the room. Gideon, being overwhelmed with so many big emotions, cried. I pulled out the big brother gift of play dough and we began to create every creature we could imagine. When I felt that Gideon was feeling secure in our environment and situation we began to talk about how he was a big brother.
Michael’s mom and grandmother came in to meet Maddox. Gideon was beginning to feel ownership of his new baby brother. Michael managed to get a video of Gideon’s rush of joy seeing and touching Maddox’s toes, nose, fingers etc. Seeing the love that my boys share for each other brings out a new unknown compartment of love in my heart. Our family left to take Gideon home for his nap. We were left waiting to find out if we could leave at the 24 hour mark or if we were going to need to stay 48 hours to keep an eye on Maddox’s bilirubin levels. Michael and I don't have compatible blood types, so both our boys have been Coombs positive. This means that our babies are at a higher risk of becoming jaundice. Our remedy is to nurse, nurse, nurse, skin-to-skin, and indirect sunlight. Maddox’s bilirubin levels came back low enough that the pediatrician was comfortable sending us home.
We left the hospital to begin our new life as a family of four. Michael and I thank the Lord for our children. We understand that children are a blessing and a trusted responsibility/inheritance from the Lord.
Maddox Wilson Wang
Born: May 20, 2016
Weight: 8.4 pounds
Length: 19.5 inches
What Michael remembers from Maddox’s birth:
Ashley woke me up around 4am and told me she was having consistent contractions throughout the evening. I reached for the phone and called the midwives. My adrenaline kicked in because the house was not ready and we didn’t have our bags packed. I immediately began cleaning and packing and was able to level out my emotions to provide Ashley with a calm environment. The doula came around 7am. I continued cleaning and packing until Gideon woke up around 8am. Gideon was thrown off by not having his normal routine of snuggling in bed as we were already in the living room, but was happy to see and play with our doula.
Around 8:30am, I took Gideon to our friends’ house to stay for the day until my mom arrived. Gideon was upset and did not want me to leave. Ashley’s contractions were consistent, but slow throughout the morning. We went for a walk around 10am. We were outside walking and working through contractions until noon when we came inside to eat lunch.
Around 2:30pm, Ashley was having strong contractions right on top of one another and we went to the hospital. From there it is was quick. We made it to a room and I told the nurse to fill the tub. As soon as the tub was full, Ashley got in and was ready to push. Within the hour, Maddox was born. He came flying out into the tub and surprised everyone with his speedy arrival.
As Ashley and I held Maddox for the first time, tears filled my eyes as I enjoyed his beauty and was left amazed at his light blonde/red hair. I was able to hold him for a long time while the midwives finished up with Ashley and he was so chunky and soft. Maddox would, every few minutes, slightly open one of his eyes to look at me and it’s a time I will never forget. My first few moments alone with Maddox were full of joy.
The rest went really smooth. Gideon came to meet Maddox the next day. Ashley and I were able to enjoy the 24 hours after Maddox was born in the hospital. It was peaceful and quiet as the only visitors we had were my Mom and Mamaw. We were happy to go home and enjoy our new life with two sons.
