Evangeline' Birth Story

Evangeline’s Birth Story  

 

The morning of April 12th I had awoken to consistent light contractions. I had prodromal labor for the past two weeks, which is normal for me towards the end of pregnancy, but I knew these contractions were the beginning of real labor. I told Michael he needed to stay home because my contractions were consistent. We were both so glad I was in labor during the day and not in the middle of the night. I normally would spend early labor doing our normal routine, but I needed extra mental and physical rest before I could welcome intense contractions. The night before was emotionally difficult for me. It is very normal to have emotional breakdowns about wanting to not be pregnant anymore the day before labor, but this was different. Michael and I were both praying and wrestling with God on an unanswered prayer. I did not sleep well that night and was not rested when I was met with contractions early on the 12th. I slept as much as I could during the morning hours while Michael made breakfast and sent our boys to their PE class.  

The nine months of pregnancy went very quickly this time around. I did not feel mentally or emotionally ready for labor, teaching a newborn to breastfeed, my body feeling broken and unrecognizable, and the crazy hormones. I was looking forward to having my precious baby in my arms, but I was dreading the hard parts of postpartum life. Thankfully, this pregnancy was not as difficult as Annabelle’s pregnancy, but toward the end of this pregnancy, I felt myself mentally slam on the breaks because I felt like I needed more time to be ready. 

At 40 weeks and 6 days, my precious Evangeline was ready to be born. My pregnancies usually go past 40-weeks, so the timing was not a surprise. The day progressed and contractions remained generally consistent. I knew if I submitted to each contraction, I could get things to speed up, but I honestly did not want to embrace the waves because I knew it was just going to get more intense. I needed a little more time to get mentally and emotionally ready. I knew all the things I could have been doing from my experience teaching natural birthing classes, but I just wanted to lay in my bed until I needed movement to cope with contractions. I spent most of the day praying over my labor and Evangeline. I asked the Lord to hold me in His strength and sustain me through every contraction and keep Evangeline safe as she was born. I had already been praying those prayers for the entire pregnancy, and I had also been praying for Evangeline to come at the most perfect time for our family. A huge stress for me in pregnancy is the care of our older children while I'm in labor. 

We had some of our wonderful and trusted friends waiting to take our 3 older children if I felt like I needed them out of the house. Throughout the pregnancy, our children expressed they might want to stay home when the baby was born. I educated the children on what labor and birth are like and showed them a few child-friendly homebirth videos so that if they did end up staying, they would be prepared. The day was a huge, answered prayer. The boys had their homeschool PE class during the morning and our campus-wide kids blitz in the afternoon. They were able to get the exercise and play they needed for the day while also being home with me. 

In the afternoon I started welcoming contractions more by mentally embracing each wave and letting my body loosen up. I spent most of my active labor contracting on the potty or half squatting holding onto the counter and wishing I had done more leg strengthening during pregnancy. Laboring on the potty is one of the best laboring tools because we naturally let loose on the potty. I normally hate potty contractions because they are very intense, but it was my preferred laboring spot this time around. I found that familiar zeal of mental strength ready to do the hard work.  

I had been communicating with our midwifery team all day and they were waiting for my word to get to the house. I finally felt like it was time for them to make their way and Michael called our dear friend Cortney to take pictures for us. I try to be alone with just me and Michael for as long as possible during labor. My mind and hormones are very quick to slow or stall labor when I feel watched or not safe enough to feel completely vulnerable. It is really an amazing thing our bodies do to make sure we are safe before our babies are born. The rise of oxytocin, the love hormone, brings on contractions, but if we have a rise in cortisol or adrenaline, our bodies do not feel safe enough to give birth to a baby. I have found midwifery care, specifically homebirth/free-standing birth center midwives, to be the most proficient at caring for the whole woman in a nurturing, patient, and evidence-based way.  

Throughout the entire labor and delivery, Annabelle loved on me, held my hand, and told me I was doing a great job. Her affection and love filled my heart and body with a tremendous amount of oxytocin. My girl was there for every single part and never wanted to leave. When asked if she wanted to go play with her friends, she said she wanted to stay because she did not want to miss her baby sister being born.  

Before the midwifery team arrived, Gideon and Maddox made it home from kids blitz and turned on the 2nd Woody Woodpecker movie. I was upstairs in my bathroom working through a good contraction and then, without warning, I had a couple of little pushes. I was confused by my body's reaction to push at that moment. Michael quickly asked, "Did you just push!?" I laughed and said, "Yes but the baby is not about to fall out." Each contraction brought a lot of pressure on my entire lower back. I knew Evangeline was in a good anterior position and could feel her movements, so I didn't understand at the moment why I was having all-encompassing back labor, but my bag of water was adding to the volume of pressure I was feeling. I recalled my labor with Annabelle when she kept her little fist by her face for labor and birth. I remembered that tiny fist feeling not so tiny and I just laughed to myself thinking about my previous birth. Michael asked me a few times if I wanted him to get our friend to pick up the kids, but I kept saying no. I had a huge sense of peace having them home. I know Michael was feeling the stress of parenting and caring for me during contractions, but he juggled everything with so much love as he cared for us.  

The first midwife, Leila, made it to our home and soothed me with her quiet and gentle presence. She asked to take my blood pressure and check the baby's heart tones. We were both doing excellently during contractions and breaks. Leila gave me my space and respected my instincts. One contraction came with a tremendous might and I needed Michael. He gave me my safe space in his presence while holding me up to let the contraction take over. I knew it was time to get into the birth pool for relief. I tried to put a robe on to walk downstairs but I was obviously in transition and could not handle all that fabric touching my skin. I pulled my hair sloppily up because my hair had become like a hot robe to my face and neck, and I was not tolerating that. 

I walked downstairs and got into the birth pool. The hot water was a welcomed sensation as more contractions came. We continued to check the baby’s heart tones and my blood pressure and we were both doing perfectly. Unlike my other births, I didn't have an internal saying or prayer I repeated to help me keep up my mental strength. Each thought was different but, it was mostly me intimately praying to the Lord from the tenderness of my heart. Michael's face was close to mine and I looked at him and said, "But what if labor stalls or slows down?" He assured me we would be holding our baby soon. Having seen me give birth to 3 other babies, he knew my signposts that we were getting close. The contractions went back and forth from the intense feeling of needing to push to normal strong contractions. When it comes to pushing, I always say do not push until you can’t help it. It is best to push to the point of comfort to prevent tearing and help with soreness and swelling, but when that urge hits me, I intentionally relax everything and go for it. I just can't help it, I know this about myself because it has been the only consistent thing in all my births. As I was working through those contractions, I heard the laughter from my children in the other room watching their movie. I could tell that Michael was about to ask them to be quiet, but I loved the sound of my older babies laughing. Michael and I made eye contact and smiled each time we heard their sweet giggles. Annabelle mostly stayed by my side, but she enjoyed the funny parts of the movie. My water had still not broken which is great (thanks to the Brewer's pregnancy diet) except pushing out a baby in the bag of water feels like pushing out a water balloon. I couldn't feel how much more I had to push so I asked, and midwife Grace said I was almost done. 

I pushed the final time, Evangeline came out en caul (in the intact bag of water), Grace broke the bag of water, and I looked down in the birth pool to see Evangeline's eyes piercing mine and her arms reaching up. I grabbed my baby and brought her to my chest. I was elated and relieved it was over. I thought, "I did it!" I praised the Lord for how he sustained me and for the gift of Evangeline. Michael called the boys to join us, and they were so excited to meet their new baby sister. Annabelle had the sweetest smile on her face taking in her new little sister. I pushed the placenta out, which was another huge relief. The kids had already seen pictures of placentas, so they were prepared and thought it was super cool that my body grew an entirely new organ to grow a baby, but as Maddox says, "it's also a little gross." After the umbilical cord turned white and stopped pulsing all that vital blood into the baby, Michael cut the cord. 

We had the kids step out while I got out of the tub. I had strong shakes as I was trying to get settled, which is normal, but I have never had the shakes that intensely after birth. Once I was able to relax my body, I latched Evangeline to nurse for the first time. It's such a gift that the first latch is typically easy and pain-free. Annabelle snuggled up to me and Evangeline as I nursed and took it all in. The boys were watching how the midwives used a pump to get the water out of the inflatable birth pool. I started checking on everyone to make sure they were all ok after the birth but looking back I wish I had focused on bonding with Evangeline. I could have followed up with the children the next day to see how they were feeling about the birth. I nursed for a while and drank pineapple juice then handed Evangeline to Michael. He took the children out of the room so the midwives could check me out to make sure I was physically ok. I was doing well, but I noticed in the mirror that my face looked pale and not rosy, pink like it normally is after I give birth. I pointed it out to midwife Leila, and she had already noticed too. She had the student midwife pop a quiche in the oven for me and handed me some cheese to get protein in my system. Looking back on the day, I don’t think I ate enough protein during early labor. We made our way upstairs for Evangeline to get checked out and weighed while I ate my quiche. The midwives included my children in listening to their baby sister’s heartbeat and measuring her. Then each child got a turn to hold the baby. They were so proud and so in love. The midwives stayed for a while as we got settled. It was dinner time, so Michael fixed up a quick meal of chicken nuggets and fruit. We all snuggled in as we closed out the day of Evangeline being born. 

My postpartum story 

During the postpartum time, moms juggle learning and teaching a baby to nurse, our physical healing, hormonal highs and lows, our mental and emotional health, and whatever else pops up during that specific postpartum time. Just like each pregnancy, each birth, and each baby is different, each postpartum is also different. In the days that followed Evangeline’s birth I felt tremendous love for our precious new addition. I was struggling to get her to latch well, which is normal, and dealing with the pain of not correcting a previously bad latch. Physically, I was struggling with taking it slow and allowing my body to recover. Emotionally, I was doing ok except in the evenings, until we started planning things for me to look forward to. 

 I have always nursed my babies on demand. At the newborn stage that looks like them turning their little heads and rooting around and if you miss that first sign that they are hungry they will then usually cry until fed. I made sure she was nursing at least every 2 hours, but newborns really need to be nursing all the time. I needed to bond with her more for us both to know each other better. I spent a little too much time letting others hold her when I needed to be doing skin-to-skin and intimately watching how she communicates and not trusting that others knew the subtle cues of a breastfed baby. Evangeline was struggling to gain back her birth weight, and I knew something was off in our nursing relationship. We had a lactation consultant come to the house who, honestly, didn’t know how to investigate what the problem might be. Unfortunately, we had a new pediatrician who ended up not knowing any evidence-based advice for breast-fed babies. We have since changed to someone who is aligned with our philosophy of parenting. I felt like I was in a battle with no one on my side, except Michael, helping me. Worldwide only 4% (according to WHO) of women are not physically able to exclusively breastfeed, but many times we must overcome obstacles if we want to breastfeed our babies. If I had been a first-time mother dealing with these breastfeeding issues, I would have been defeated, but I had already exclusively breastfed 3 babies who all had different challenges in those first months of breastfeeding. Something I have learned in experiencing postpartum 4 times is you will always remember how you were treated or spoken to in those postpartum days. You can forgive or even chalk up someone’s words/behavior as their personality or maybe they were going through something, but you don’t forget. I had Michael to help and protect me in some tough moments as we were dealing with Evangeline’s slow weight gain. We are so physically, mentally, and emotionally vulnerable in the postpartum period that we need to be nurtured ourselves, not in a state of having to guard and defend ourselves from others.  

 I quieted my mind, moved away from distractions, and became positively possessive of my baby to investigate why she was gaining weight so slowly. I watched her little features, smelled her smell, did skin-to-skin with her and I realized we hadn’t bonded as much as we needed to. I watched as Evangeline would only root around for a few seconds and not ask to nurse again. I listened to her little gulps as my milk let down, but she wouldn’t work for milk after my letdown. I was putting all the pieces together on what we needed to do to be successful at this God-given form of food and nurturing for a baby. I used a milk catcher to collect milk on the opposite side while I nursed. We then put that milk in a bottle and fed it to her. Evangeline is my first baby to use a bottle, which was difficult for me, but she needed the calories and energy to be able to do her work in breastfeeding. After a week (when she was a little over 2 weeks old), she was nursing very well! It seemed to click for her on how to get her belly full breastfeeding, and I made sure I watched her cues very closely. We did it! My baby girl started really gaining weight, had more energy, and began developing the most beautiful baby rolls and chubby cheeks.  

This postpartum time has been easier on me than some of my other postpartum times. I know myself better now than I did as a new mom. I know to be very gentle and kind to myself in the physical healing. The placenta leaves a dinner plate-sized wound in the uterus that needs to heal and knowing this made me slow down to allow myself to heal. My older children struggled with my physical limitations and watching me physically hurting and slower, but understood that this was just a short season, and I would be back running around and playing with them again as soon as I could. The postpartum time is a marathon throughout the baby’s first year. I praise the Lord that my physical and mental health has been great as I have taken care of myself! We are now a family of 6 trying to figure out how to homeschool with a little baby crawling around. It is the greatest honor and joy of my life to be the mom of my amazing children!  

Thoughts from Michael 

All four births were the same, yet different. They were all the same because Ashley is such an amazing mother and knows exactly what to do. They were the same because I was stressed about trying to make sure everything surrounding Ashley was perfect for her to give birth. Evangeline’s birth is no different. The stress this time was trying to make sure the older three were taken care of while ensuring Ashley had the support she needed. The Lord is faithful during these times, even when we try to control everything, he already has it under control.  

This birth was different because there were children giggling and dogs trying to play fetch during labor. This birth just felt different, but in a good way different. The kids laughing and the dog trying to play relaxed the moments. Also, this was the fourth time and the second home birth, so the unexpected was expected, I didn’t feel as stressed during this birth.  

The beauty of childbirth is the miracle of seeing life being brought into the world. But the beauty for the dad is seeing his wife perfectly mother three children while also laboring for the fourth. The beauty for the dad is watching his older three kids show love, wonder, and excitement for the anticipated arrival of their new sister. The beauty for the dad is having your eyes fill with tears as you hold the precious new child. The beauty for the dad is being overwhelmed by the grace, beauty, and toughness of your wife as she labors. The miracle of childbirth is a remarkable sight. I’m so blessed to have experienced this gift four times.  

 Evangeline Avery Wang

Born April 12, 2024, at 5:20pm weighing 8.2 pounds and 20 inches long